And welcome to another gratuitous Strictly post.
The countdown to Christmas is now on. Don’t shy away from that fact. If you’re based in the UK or Ireland, embrace ‘Strictly Season’ – formerly known as autumn and winter – and all the sequins and spray tans that come with.
This double bill had it all: stilted limbs, shimmery tassels, caught-on-camera bitching judges and real-life glowering looks from Danny Dyer. Craig Revel Horwood, don’t innuendo-cize him, please!
And what with this being the first proper week and the judges not wanting to be too forthcoming with their marks, there were also a heck of a lot of 7s on the go.
So in the spirit of Len Goodman, we’re going to sum up each Strictly couple in precisely ‘Sev-ern’ words!
Kellie and Kevin: Fab. Gotta (upper) hand it to her.
Anthony and Oti: Forever be remembered as Trouser Split-Gate.
Helen and Aljaz: So sweet, like dancing marzipan cake toppers.
Carol and Pacha: Storm ahead. Two ways of reading that.
Kristina and Daniel: Sex-free but Irish eyes still smiling.
Anita and Gleb: Saucy. Remember though, Gleb is happily married.
Jay and Aliona: Nerves never did stop good body roll.
Kirsty and Brendan: Power couple sadly looked a tad shaky.
Jeremy and Karen: Impressive dad dancing on stilts. Stilts, right?
Georgia and Giovanni: G-whizz. This cute pair got fizz.
Ainsley and Natalie: Cooking puns are served. Next week: salsa.
Katie and Anton: Prom-ises to be good ‘un for Anton.
Iwan and Ola: More lumpy-pumpy than sex on legs.
Jamelia and Tristan: Mind the gap. Between your feet, Jamz.
Peter and Janette. Majestic in cerise. Snake hips next week!
Needless to say, Peter Andre ended up on top of the leaderboard with poor Carol from BBC brekkie propping everyone else up, at the bottom. And there we have it. Until next week, Keeeeeeep dancing. (Soz)
Are you a Strictly fan? Who are your faves? Indulge us, go on, and let us know in the comments.