Strictly Sunday 

  
Gratuitous Strictly post 5

So it’s bye-bye to Ainsley and an end to all those food dance-puns. After a crazed jive to a backdrop of floating toast, even he must have been thinking this takes the biscuit. 

Jamelia lived to dance another day after an underwhelming waltz. Let’s hope she gets to do the Charleston again next week. 

Elsewhere, Georgia’s disco-salsa was missing the chilis for us, a bit bland and heavy. Nevertheless she snaffled a 31. Weather woman Carol’s Viennese waltz was perfectly nice and elegant but she got mean comments again. Some of the judges want to turn her into another comedy figure along with Jeremy but she’s not playing along. She’s snow joke.

Anita did a dramatic tango to an undramatic song (Sweet Disposition by Temper Trap) and bagged a 32, while Peter’s Rumba hips weren’t nearly as silky as his fetching turquoise shirt. He got 29 and we’re wondering: did he peak in week 1?

A mini fist pump for Kirsty. You can see how badly she wants to be good. There’s a scary intensity in her eyes. And the moment she relaxed a little she became elegant and floaty. Len said lots of things about fleckles and pivots so it must’ve been good and she ended up with 29. 

Katie didn’t get her bum going in the salsa, apparently, and toppled from last week’s top spot to one from the bottom this week, with 21. Jeremy’s waltz wasn’t his best. Ballroom doesn’t have the same comedy potensh as Latin after all. He got a lowly 18 and was lucky to escape the dreaded D.O.

Helen (that sweet grin is becoming a little manic now) did an almost flawless quickstep to You Can’t Hurry Love with flashing train imagery. There were lots of train puns from the judges, which is funny considering there is no journey here at all. She got 35. Kellie got the same for a fizzy jive. 

Jay’s 33-scoring Paso Doble got Bruno so over excited he dropped the B-bomb (bollocks) (as in ‘the dog’s’) and got told off. It was a rare moment of excitement in a slightly uninspiring week. Oh well, we’ll keep on dancing. See you next week! 

STRICTLY SUNDAY

STRICTLY GROUP

And welcome to another gratuitous Strictly post.

The countdown to Christmas is now on. Don’t shy away from that fact. If you’re based in the UK or Ireland, embrace ‘Strictly Season’ – formerly known as autumn and winter – and all the sequins and spray tans that come with.

This double bill had it all: stilted limbs, shimmery tassels, caught-on-camera bitching judges and real-life glowering looks from Danny Dyer. Craig Revel Horwood, don’t innuendo-cize him, please!

And what with this being the first proper week and the judges not wanting to be too forthcoming with their marks, there were also a heck of a lot of 7s on the go. 

So in the spirit of Len Goodman, we’re going to sum up each Strictly couple in precisely ‘Sev-ern’ words!

Kellie and Kevin: Fab. Gotta (upper) hand it to her.

Anthony and Oti: Forever be remembered as Trouser Split-Gate.

The moment the trousers went?
The moment the trousers went?
Helen and Aljaz: So sweet, like dancing marzipan cake toppers.

Carol and Pacha: Storm ahead. Two ways of reading that.

Dancing marzipan cake toppers
Dancing marzipan cake toppers
Kristina and Daniel: Sex-free but Irish eyes still smiling.

Anita and Gleb: Saucy. Remember though, Gleb is happily married.

Jay and Aliona: Nerves never did stop good body roll.

Kirsty and Brendan: Power couple sadly looked a tad shaky.

Was Jeremy on stilts?
Was Jeremy on stilts?
Jeremy and Karen: Impressive dad dancing on stilts. Stilts, right?

Georgia and Giovanni: G-whizz. This cute pair got fizz.

Ainsley and Natalie: Cooking puns are served. Next week: salsa.

Katie and Anton: Prom-ises to be good ‘un for Anton.

Iwan and Ola: More lumpy-pumpy than sex on legs.

Jamelia and Tristan: Mind the gap. Between your feet, Jamz.

Strutting it in cerise
Strutting it in cerise
Peter and Janette. Majestic in cerise. Snake hips next week!

Needless to say, Peter Andre ended up on top of the leaderboard with poor Carol from BBC brekkie propping everyone else up, at the bottom. And there we have it. Until next week, Keeeeeeep dancing. (Soz)
Are you a Strictly fan? Who are your faves? Indulge us, go on, and let us know in the comments.

Strictly Sunday

STRICTLY 1 STRICTLY SHOW 2 STRICTLY 8STRICTLY 5

Sparkles! Shimmer! Pink, pink, pink! We love a bit of Strictly Come Dancing. So we decided to get creative in anticipation of its first ep. And if you can’t knock up a set of sequin-clad coasters for the start of Strictly, when can you…

These unashamedly pink and scarlet babies*, with sewn-on gold and red sequins – and a bigger coaster for your bottle – really brightened up our Oyster Bay drinking. Which, as a side note, isn’t actually that hard.

We also like to think our fairy lights resemble tiny mirror balls – but we’re probably just trying to justify ourselves. We love fairy lights as we’re sure you’ll come to notice.

Anyway, on to the couples. Here’s our verdict. Please pardon the puns…

Peter and Janette: Wonder how many episodes it’ll take him to rip off his shirt and ripple his abdominals a la the “Ooo-ooooh-weeee-ooooh Mysterious Girl” vid. We give it three. Maybe even two.

Kirsty and Brendan: Power couple. Tall, dark, lean, determined, like champion racehorses.

Jamelia and Tristan: Forgone conclusion: those legs, that rhythm – she’s going to be some kind of superstar…

Kellie and Kevin: Ahh, cute. And with potential. Kev from Grimbsy won’t want to let his ‘Never done a dance off’ crown slip.

Carol and Pasha: We forecast the smiley weather woman’s legion of fans will take her at least half-way through the competition, dance prowess or no dance prowess…

Jeremy and Karen: There was a hip swivel. We’re not sure how we felt about it. Wonder how he’ll get on dancing the swing(o-meter).

Jay and Aliona: Jay looks like a kind of hunky human version of Aslan from The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. Whether he’ll roar into the final (…) is anyone’s guess at this nervy stage…

Daniel and Kristina: The time sexy Kristina’s powerful female pheromones were spoil-sportingly bottled up.

Ainsley and Natalie: He talks the talk but can he walk the swingy-hipped walk? Natalie smiled gamely on. As she does.

Katie and Anton: The Proms host’s dancing partner couldn’t hide his glee. Katie looks a bit like Darcy but whether she has the moves is still up in the air.

Anthony and Otlile: This pairing. Pure. Sex. Appeal. If she can make him dance, there’ll be Strictly fireworks.

Iwan and Ola: Maybe his hips were a bit stiff from a recent run…

Anita and Gleb: If she ever stops objectifying the poor boy we might find out if she can dance.

Helen and Aljaz: Barbie and Ken – in the nicest possible way. And Helen’s limbs look promisingly more fluid than plastic.

Georgia and Giovanni: Aw ‘Georganni’ – destined to be big. Even though they’re small.

Strictly Sunday will be back in three weeks. Until then we’re going to enjoy the last shreds of sunlight and pretend that the Christmas countdown is not on.

* If you like our Strictly coasters you can find them in sets of 4 and 6 in our shop.